To residents and visitors of Wrigleyville:
Warning!
When in this neighborhood, be on your guard! You may get egged!
If you are egged, it will get on your coat, on your shoes, in your bag, in your purse, on your lunch, and you will even find it on your homework the next day!
Citizens should be on the lookout for douchebags in cars throwing eggs at pedestrians.
Pedestrians are advised to take pre-emptive measures. Wear egg-proof clothing at all times and carry a metal bat for bashing in their windshield.
Please keep our northern districts douche-free!
This has been a public service announcement for the city of Chicago.
(True story. It happened to Emily.)
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